Is She Gone for Good? How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend to Come Back

You and your girlfriend have gone through a difficult transition in your relationship. You’re not together anymore. She’s stopped virtually all contact with you and when you two do communicate she never mentions the idea of getting back together. It’s painful and that’s incredibly understandable. Maybe you’ve never gotten over her or perhaps you can’t imagine ever loving another woman the same as you did your girlfriend. If that’s the case, you’re no doubt wondering about what the future holds for you. Depending on your ex girlfriend’s behavior you may be asking yourself, “is she gone for good?” Instead of searching for an answer to that question, you need to start focusing on what you can do to ensure the answer isn’t, “yes.”

Most relationships can be repaired regardless of what tore the couple apart. It’s a bold statement and maybe one that you don’t have much faith in, but interpersonal relationships are a strange and ever changing beast. We can be incredibly angry with someone one day and swear up and down that we’ll never have anything to do with them again. Once a bit of time has passed, the feelings have cooled and that person’s redeeming and endearing qualities pop to the forefront of our mind again. This happens a lot after a break up. It’s the reason you’ll often hear of couples getting back together after a few months apart.

How to Make Yourself a Part of Your Ex Girlfriend’s Life

You must position yourself now to get your ex girlfriend to come back. That means you have to be on your absolute best behavior. In other words, you can’t harass her with phone call after phone call asking her to give you another chance. You also can’t trick her into feeling sorry for you so she’ll want to take you back. You have to show your ex girlfriend that you’re mature enough to handle the end of the relationship and wise enough to see the benefit in a friendship with her.

I’m not suggesting that you become your ex girlfriend’s best platonic friend. That’s not a role you should be playing and it wouldn’t be natural or comfortable for you to do it. You should, however, be available for her if she needs a shoulder to lean on or just someone to have a coffee with. You must keep the boundaries very visible though. No talking about what transpired between you two in the past and no discussion about getting back together. If your ex girlfriend is the one who initiates that type of dialogue, that’s a different story. It’s not up to you to be the one to open that door back up again.

By staying a part of your ex girlfriend’s life you are accomplishing a couple of very important things. First, and foremost, you are there if she needs you. You’ll become a confidante to her over time and someone she’ll see as a positive influence in her life. Women enjoy staying friends with their ex boyfriends because there’s an emotional intimacy there that is hard to find in other friends.

Another reason why you’ll benefit by staying in your ex girlfriend’s life, even in a very limited role, is that you’ll be building a new connection for the future. Many couples who built their romantic relationships on solid friendships go on to have the most rewarding, honest and satisfying connections. By showing your ex girlfriend that you’re willing to stay close to her even if you’re not her boyfriend, you’re sending a message that states that you are emotional mature, self confident and able to accept whatever life throws at you.

She doesn’t have to be gone for good if it’s not what you want. You have the power to keep a connection open with her and work on building even more in time. You have more control over your future with your ex girlfriend than you realize.

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